Features

The Ru Report #159

Phenomenal Woman
Brenda Stone Browder has been to hell and back.

And just like the phoenix, she has risen from the ashes and is soaring to new heights.

As the ex-wife of "Down Low King" J.L. King, the author of last year's best-selling memoir "Living On The Down Low: A Journey Into The Lives of "Straight" Black Men Who Sleep With Men," Mrs. Browder has been in a whirlwind with all of the attention that the sensational title has brought on, since last spring.

The term "down-low" has become a household expression. From Oprah Winfrey's much-buzzed about show on the subject, to "Will & Grace" adding it into a hip, match-making storyline, the "down-low" phenomenon has morphed into a cottage industry. A random search on any e-commerce book website will bring up countless recently published books on the theme. And the subject has become common place on shock jock radio.

Apparently, Mr. King--who wrote so lovingly about his ex-wife (who caught him the act)--neglected to discuss the book or give her a copy of the book before he became a quasi-celebrity.

Now she's got a book out. And a publicist. "Years of deception had led to him being found out and told to leave his home and family. His reward for lying, putting Brenda's life at risk, and breaking his vows was to become a media darling and the author of a six-month 'New York Times' bestseller." That's what piqued our interests in a pitch letter that her publicist sent over a few weeks ago.

Whoa!

Mrs. Browder, a well respected minister in Springfield, Ohio, has penned her own tome-- titled "On The Up And Up: A Survival Guide For Women Living With Men On The Down Low" (Dafina Publishing, $21)--and is ready to share her side of this shocking story.

"Writing [this book] is apart of the call on my life to share my story with other women who have experienced a similar situation in their lives," Mrs. Browder told "The RU Report" yesterday. "This message goes out to all women to empower them with knowledge of the 'down low' lifestyle."

Mrs. Browder, who is now happily married to another man whom she shares a daughter with, is "pouring the tea" in her own special way, on a positive note--in a prose that's conversational, upfront, candid and motivational catering to a female demographic.

"Sharing my experience with women will enable them to be armed with knowledge and higher expectations. Expectations that their spouse or significant other will love, and respect them enough to avoid hurting them, or putting their lives in jeopardy, by exposing them to a disease. Women need to be armed with the truth. Women need to know that they are not alone, and that it is not their fault. If only one person avoids this life threatening disease (HIV/AIDS) the message has been received, and the book has achieved its' goal. Writing and sharing my story may seem self-serving, but I know that this is bigger than me."

Co-written with best-selling biographical powerhouse Karen Hunter, an esteemed Pulitzer Prize winner and co-author of books by Queen Latifah, LL Cool J, Wendy Williams, Mr. King and Mason Betha, "On The Up And Up" tells how Mrs. Browder moved forward in her life, with the power of pardoning.

"Forgiveness is powerful," she stated. "When you forgive someone who has wronged you, your power is restored. You give your power away when you hold animosity and un-forgiveness. It is a breeding ground for strife and illness"

Just like a Mortal Christian involved in the clergy, always willing to turn the other cheek. Okay. But why do grown people continue to do the things they do, knowing that it will hurt others they supposedly love?

"Human nature," she replied to the out-loud thoughts. "We want to be selfish and satisfy the flesh. It seems to be the easy road but it is not. Some of us are so self-centered. We think it is 'all about me.' We do not live alone in this world. The choices that we make do affect others."

This down-low diva is far from being low-down.

"God is using me as an example to show people that even though we may have trials and may have difficult lives we can get through. I have been shown that we are to take our test and use it as out testimony to help others."

Mrs. Browder shared, what she thought, was a happy home, a loving marriage and two lovely children with Mr. King before finding out that he was having sexual relations with other men. The children were the truest things the marriage produced. She revealed to us that upon her discovery, she felt her life was "destroyed." Her close family bond--even with her then-in-laws--helped her through the most trying of times. And of course, her faith. "I found comfort in prayer and direction," she added.

Mrs. Browder isn't the pious churchgoing type that doesn't practice what she preaches. Just last night before our final interview, she ran into one of the church-going men who had sex with her husband, while at the neighborhood grocery store. "I hadn't seen him since our encounter at church that is detailed in my book," she confided, "We embraced each other. It felt good to see him and not have those old feelings of animosity. If I were not grounded in my faith this couldn't have happened."

That's the power of the light. For real!

Shoot, when people do me dirty, I don't hate them--I just do everything in my power to steer clear of them. For good!

She agreed that women often succumb to the down low life style because they feed into the stereotypical image of what male masculinity is. Mrs. Browder also admitted that it was difficult for her to fully comment because "Personally I don't have a stereotyped perception of male masculinity. I was shown what a man is by example, my father and brothers. Male masculinity and sexual preferences are separate in my view."

With a tour in the works with Mr. King (whom she admitted to being close friends with), and a forthcoming spread in the May edition of "Essence" magazine alongside an appearance on "The Montell Williams Show," Mrs. Browder's message can't help but be heard. And she wouldn't prefer it any other way.

"People are fascinated because someone has the nerve to tell their 'business,'" she continued. "My mother always told me 'don't tell all of your business.' This has been going on forever, it is not new and there are women out there who have also been silently suffering for years. Some women who knew, and some who are making that admission for the first time that they too are living with a man who has been living a lie. The broken silence has freed people."

Indeed.

"I have been fortunate to have numerous forums to present the message. I will continue to speak out about the need for women to be protected and empowered with knowledge and truth," she concluded.

Mrs. Browder encourages people to reach out to her and share their stories: www.brendabrowder.com

Fit For A King
During this year's "Black Oscar Weekend" a bevy of industry power players, socialites, and celebrities gathered at Beverly Hill's ultra-posh L'Ermitage hotel for "A Celebration of Regina King" hosted by screen siren Vivica A. Fox.

The special occasion, presented by Martell Cognac, featured an intimate dinner as well as a video tribute with greetings from friends and former co-stars that included Sandra Bullock and Jackée Harry among others. Ms. King, who starred in the NBC hit sitcom "227" as a youngster, was most recently seen in the award-winning Ray Charles-biopic "Ray" and will next be seen in Warner Bros.' "Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Dangerous," opening in theaters on March 25.

Some of the celebs attracting flashbulbs during the exclusive celebration included Angela Bassett, Reese Witherspoon, Samuel L. Jackson, Star Jones-Reynolds, Cedric The Entertainer, Ananda Lewis, Tisha Campbell-Martin, Heavy D, Debbie Morgan, and DeLeon Sheffield, among others.

Ms. King, who also had memorable roles in "Jerry McGuire" and "Poetic Justice," was specifically honored for the fact that she has weathered the storm in Hollywood for more than two decades, and never compromised her image as a Black woman. Martell's "Rise Above" initiative celebrates the outstanding success and accomplishments of extraordinary individuals within their communities. So that was a perfect fit.

Badu To The Bone
Multi-Grammy Award winning neo-soul high priestess Erykah Badu is staging a comeback. At next weekend's South by Southwest Music Conference, in Austin, Tx, the 34-year-old "Bag Lady" singer/songwriter will announce the plans for her new record label imprint, Musiq Freaq Records.

Miss Badu, who gave birth to her second child, Puma, last summer, is also working on her 4th studio recording, which may see the light of day this fall. While her record company spokesperson is remaining tight-lipped about the album, it has been previously reported that The Neptunes will contribute to the project.

Miss Badu (born Erica Abi Wright) also has a nonprofit group B.L.I.N.D. (Beautiful Love Incorporated Non Profit Development) which, as its first project, refurbished The Black Forest Theater, creating an epicenter for her community outreach projects.

Having already starred in "Blues Brothers 2000" and the Oscar Award-caliber drama "Cider House Rules," the multi-platinum selling music phenomenon will next be seen playing Lady Bernadette in the long overdue David Duchovny-directed drama "House Of D." The movie, distributed by Lions Gate Films, will arrive in the theaters in mid-April.

Etc
"Essence" magazine diva extraordinaire Susan Taylor will grace the cover of the legendary magazine's cover for the 35th Anniversary Edition in a few weeks. The braided pioneer will be joined by the likes of Alicia Keys, Fantasia, Angela Bassett and super-sized comedienne Mo'Nique on the cover. A few more of the magazine's favorite Black women representing all demographics will also appear on the gatefold cover.

Gorgeous foodie Nigella Lawson makes her QVC debut today with an appearance on the network's "In the Kitchen with Bob" broadcast from 1 PM - 3 PM (ET). The best-selling culinary author is hawking her latest goods--the Nigella Lawson's Living Kitchen Mezzaluna, which is a stainless-steel utensil perfect for chopping and mincing. She then will return between 5 PM - 7 PM (ET) to introduce the Nigella Lawson's Living Kitchen Set of Four Mixing Bowls with Whisk. Known as Britain's most influential food writer, she has achieved popularity across the pond in the United States. A successful journalist and television host, Ms. Lawson, who is arguably the sexiest celebrity chef, has written several best-selling books including her most recent work, "Feast," and is a bi-monthly columnist for "The New York Times" Dining In, Dining Out section.

More celebrities are pouring in for Penny Marshall's colorful presentation of "The Vagina Monologues" in Los Angeles next week. As previously reported here, Sommore, Tracee Ellis Ross, Erika Alexander, Wendy Raquel Robinson and sitcom veteran Marla Gibbs have already signed on. Now "Desperate Housewives" star Teri Hatcher is in the mix, along with other TV actresses such as Lisa Rinna, Jillian Barberie and Amy Brenneman. The show will take place at the Wilshire Ebell Theatre and will benefit local Vagina Warrior organization, The HerShe Group.

A few days after the movie raked in $22 million at the North American box-office in its first week of release, Universal/Motown Records announced that it will release the soundtrack to "Diary Of A Mad Black Woman," in conjunction with the newly resurrected Rowdy Records. The 12-song CD will feature an array of female singers, including Motown's own India.Arie, who delivers the disc's first single, "Purify Me." New songs by Natalie Cole, Angie Stone, Cheryl Pepsi Riley, Patti LaBelle and Tamia, will also be showcased. According to a publicist, the album--produced by super-producer Dallas Austin--will arrive in record stores next month.

Acclaimed actress Natalie Portman is in bed with Joel Silver and The Wachowski Brothers--the producer and creators of the $1.6 billion-grossing "Matrix" trilogy. The project, that was just launched, is an action thriller titled "V For Vendetta" starring the "Closer" beauty, along with "Resident Evil" star James Purefoy. The film is being shot in Berlin, Germany, and is set against the futuristic landscape of totalitarian Britain, telling the story of a mild-mannered young woman named Evey who is rescued from a life-and-death situation by a masked vigilante known only as "V."

Notable/Quotable
"I've had studio heads who believe in me say, 'Just be an actress, you're an incredible actress, you can be Meryl Streep,' and I say, 'I've got to be me,' I can't stop singing so people take me seriously as an actress. I'm an actress. You either take me seriously or you don't."
--diva on decline Jennifer Lopez on 'acting.'

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