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AAPRC Weekly: Harriette Cole

Harriette Cole
Syndicated Columnist
New York Daily News
NYC


Harriette Cole is in the business of helping people with looking good and being good. If the sales of her books, her steady stream of private clients, and the influx of letters to Cole's daily advice column are any indicators, this complex synergy is something people are eager to achieve.

The multi-titled Cole––syndicated columnist, author, magazine editor, consultant––goes about her mission with the intensity of a successful entrepreneur, the intelligence of a Phi Beta Kappa graduate and the glamour of an exmodel. She is, arguably, the complete package, and yet she's found a way to connect to the average American as easily as she connects to her private celebrity clients. That persona is the nucleus of the industry she has built around her gift for guiding clients and readers toward a life both stylish and fulfilling.

"I use the phrase 'designing your life from the outside in' because my background is in fashion," says Cole, a former editor at Essence magazine. "For many years I helped people figure out how to look great, but what I grew up learning is that while it's important to look good, it's even more important to be good, to know how to live honorably, to know how to navigate in whatever circumstances you may find yourself." For Cole, that background, her childhood, is the engine that drives her life––what could
arguably be called Harriette Cole, Incorporated.

Cole grew up in Baltimore, the second of three daughters of a noted civil rights judge (for whom she is named) and a retired kindergarten teacher. In an atmosphere that was loving but strict, Cole and her sisters learned early on that a certain way of being was the rule of the house. "We grew up in a home where we always followed the rules of the table. We always spoke grammatically correct English," Cole recalls. "It was just understood that what you would strive for is excellence at all times."

In addition to the rules of conduct at home, the Cole girls learned how to be in society. "Baltimore has a thriving upper-middle-class Black community––has had for a long time––so we hosted and went to beautiful formal events. We learned how to dress formally," Cole says.

Besides her parents, Cole cites her maternal grandmother, Carrie, as the other major influence on her life. "She was a domestic worker until she was 93-years-old because she wanted to be," says Cole. "She taught us that no matter what you do, do it with love…So we learned how to live with grace and integrity."

Cole took those lessons when she left home for Howard University, and graduated summa cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa. In spite of the high honors, though, Cole found she'd done little to prepare for post-college life. She'd modeled throughout her college years and had been invited to move to Paris to become a couture model. But Cole had dreamed of being a writer since she was 12 and set her sights on working for a New York fashion magazine. With no clips and no experience, however, New York was a world away. Instead, she took a job as a secretary for a member of Congress. "This was in the 80s. I had to wear a blue suit, white shirt, blue tie, blue pumps," Cole recalls. "I had been a model. I hated it!"

Cole was miserable and felt she deserved more, but when her attitude nearly got her fired, she developed a better strategy for coping with her situation. "I decided if I could get my work done as fast as possible then they would have to let me write for them…So I learned how to type 90 words a minute…" says Cole. "I would finish all of my work and then, with a smile on my face, say: 'is there anything else I can do for you? Wouldn't you like me to help you with all that writing that you're doing?'"

Not only did Cole get to test her writing chops on the Hill, but she created internships for herself at two Washington weeklies and began writing fashion columns. After a year, she called everyone she knew in New York City looking for contacts. She heard about an entry-level position at Essence and sent in her clips. She was hired, and seven years later, became the magazine's fashion editor, a post she held for four years.

In 1992, a year into her editorship, Cole embarked on a project––a wedding planner for African-
American brides––that would change everything. Jumping the Broom: The African-American Wedding Planner (Henry Holt & Company, 1993) was the first of its kind and went on to sell more than 100,000 copies. Harriette Cole the author was just getting started, though. She followed Jumping the Broom with the Jumping the Broom Wedding Workbook (Henry Holt & Company) in 1996; How to Be (Simon & Schuster) in 1999; Choosing Truth: Living an Authentic Life (Simon & Schuster) and Coming Together (Jump at the Sun/Hyperion), an activity book for African-American families with photographer John Pinderhughes, both in 2003; and in February of this year, both a second edition of Jumping the Broom (Henry Holt & Company) and a new book, Vows: The African-American Couples Guide to Designing a Sacred Ceremony (Simon & Schuster).

By 1995, Cole had channeled her success as an author into yet another career. She left Essence and founded a personal coaching company, profundities, inc. Her clients have included recording artists such as Alicia Keys, Mary J. Blige, Erykah Badu, and Carl Thomas, and non-profit and educational entities such as the National Urban League, The Links, Inc. and Cornell University. "I traveled all over the world when I worked for Essence, documenting the cultures of different people and really getting to see how people live," says Cole of the origins of her personal coaching work. "I was interested in what mattered to different communities and what is effective in being in the company of other people. How do you do it
well?"

Soon after the founding of profundities, still another incarnation of Harriette Cole emerged. An editor at the New York Daily News read How to Be and asked Cole if she'd be interested in writing an advice column. As it turns out, writing an advice column was high on Cole's considerable "to do" list. In 2001, Cole's column, "Sense and Sensitivity" debuted in the Daily News. By 2002, she was negotiating with United Feature Syndicate to distribute the column nationally and her run was increased to three days per week. In 2003, the Daily News retired "Dear Abby" so that "Sense and Sensitivity" could run six days per week.

In spite of a decade-and-a-half of rousing successes, taking a breather doesn't seem to be anywhere on Cole's agenda. In addition to the magazine American Legacy Woman, which she edits, the multi-tasking Cole is in the midst of serving as editorial director to help launch a new magazine, UPTOWN, which hits newsstands this week, and planning for her own her TV talk show. Then there are the speaking engagements, the careers column on the website Niaonline.com, a stint as a relationship expert on the ABC Family Channel reality series "Perfect Match," and appearances on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," "The View," "The Today Show," "The CBS Early Show" and "Sheila Bridges: Designer Living" and National Public Radio (NPR).

Just thinking about Harriette Cole's life is exhausting, but for Cole, who is married to photographer George Chinsee and mother to eight-month old Carrie (named for Cole's grandmother) it's just the way life is. "I'm accustomed to working on lots of things at one time" she says. "I'm driven, and I've been like that since I was born."

As an advice columnist, at what point did you decide: "I've acquired enough knowledge and life experience to help guide people through their life decisions?"

Great question. I remember when I was young and I knew I wanted to be a writer, and I knew I wanted to help people, a moment came when I realized that I wasn't ready yet. By the time I became an advice columnist, writing "Sense & Sensitivity," I knew I was ready. I had had many years of editorial experience, traveling all over the world researching and documenting various cultures for Essence magazine. I had done extensive research and written an etiquette book, titled How to Be, that addressed many of the questions that people ask when they are seeking advice. I had come from a family that believed in knowing and following the rules. And I had, for many years, been a person who stops to think about how the world works and how I can contribute to it. My personal and professional life experience prepared me. And inside I knew I was ready when the opportunity arose.

Are you ever shocked by the situations on which your readers need advice?

Shocked isn't really the feeling. More, I sometimes feel saddened that there are so many people in the world who don't have someone in their lives to whom they can turn for sound advice. I also feel grateful that I have the skills and sensitivity to be able to be the best friend/confidant/advisor to so many people in their times of need. Being invited to write this column is both a tremendous responsibility and blessing. I feel grateful that I am in the position to be able to be of service, and I take my position very seriously.

How do you decide which letters get answered and which go into the recycling bin?

Over the course of each week I get letters from readers who live all over the country. As they come in I look to see what the pressing issues are and also whether there are any themes emerging. Very often there will be several readers from different parts of the country who write in on the same topic. When they do, I look for the best question or two to share in the column. I also poll people constantly to learn about their challenges so that I can broaden the dialogue in the column to include a vast array of relationship questions that many are facing.

Naturally, I can't answer every question. I choose by looking for a healthy mix of topics over the course of the six-day week that the column runs, taking into account the temperature of the times. My goal in writing this column is to engage in an ongoing dialogue with readers about the new rules of contemporary culture. We examine the old rules and then look for clarity in today's world as to what is the appropriate way to handle a given situation.

What's involved in the "answering" process? Are there consultants or staff that you rely upon?

I don't presume to know all the answers to the questions that come to me, so I rely on researchers to assure that the answers are accurate. My staff works with me to research the questions and we also engage a panel of experts in different fields across the country who chime in on topics for which they are in the know. We commonly discuss the questions and answers in my office, so that we consider the topics from different angles. Then I write and edit to fit. Because the column is relatively short, I have to choose which points are most important to answer. Sometimes the editing process is fierce!

Has there been a particular interaction with a reader that's really confirmed this career choice for you––an "aha" moment?

Not long after my column replaced both Ann Landers and Dear Abby in the New York Daily News, an older white woman wrote in to me celebrating my work. She explained that she had grown up reading Landers and Abby and appreciated their wisdom very much; however, upon reading my column and witnessing my courage and clarity, she decided to make big changes in her life--changes that would have run contrary to her parents' beliefs and her understanding of what options she actually has. She said that I served as an example for her of what can happen for a woman if she dares to believe that anything is possible.

For me that was profoundly touching. My intention in life and through my work is to inspire people to recognize that they can strive to be their best and reach that goal. Through my personal actions and my professional pursuits when I can show that to others, I know that I have offered a valuable service to humankind.


As a "civilian," had you ever written in to an advice columnist?

I have not. My life is brimming with dynamic people who are good at a lot of things. Because I pay attention to the roles and contributions that my loved ones and associates offer, I have been able to tap into their reservoirs of knowledge when needed. I have read many advice columns, though. And what I appreciate most is when the columnists take their work and their readers seriously.

You are an African-American woman with a nationally syndicated advice column that runs in mainstream dailies. Needless to say, there aren't a lot of Harriette Coles in American journalism. What advice do you have for African-Americans with syndication aspirations?

Dream big and set specific goals to make those dreams manifest. This is my advice for living a successful and inspired life. The way it translates to writing an advice column is that if you dream of having one (which I did) and you do your best work that demonstrates your ability to do the job, you increase your chances of successfully reaching your goal.

Write as often as possible. Look for outlets for your writing--a community newspaper, church newsletter, local magazine. Find a resource for your writing, even if you don't get paid right away. The experience and clips will help you get to the next step. Become an expert in the area(s) about which you want to give advice. You have to become credible at dispensing advice, which usually means that you have studied in a particular area.

Build a local base first to prove that you have a readership. Approach a newspaper syndicate after you have established yourself as an authority.

Is there a columnist you really admire, someone on whom you've modeled your career?

Shortly after my father died, my family was going through his belongings and we came upon a scrapbook filled with columns he had written for the Afro-American newspaper in Baltimore, Maryland, back in the 1950s. Although his was a political column, a call to action for Black folks, his spirit, his drive, his intelligence and his responsibility reminded me of what I intend to provide through my column.

I am named for my father, the Honorable Harry A. Cole, who was a first in many areas in his career, ultimately becoming the first Black judge on the Maryland Court of Appeals. My father believed in excellence. He had a favorite poem, the refrain of which encapsulated his philosophy for life, "I'd rather see a sermon than hear one anytime." I definitely was, and continue to be, inspired by his way of living.

In terms of your career, what's been your greatest challenge?

My greatest challenge has been to remember my value even when others question it. Like most people, I have worked on projects where my contribution has been undervalued, where I have had to fight for position. In times like those, I have to remember that regardless of whether others recognize my value, I must never lose sight of it. From a point of strength, I then have the opportunity to align myself with confidants and professionals who can help me to strengthen my position in other people's minds--which is important.

That's why public relations is so important. Getting the word out about who you are and what you do is essential to most people's success. And so I have a tremendous respect for the public relations
industry for how it can help to fortify a professional's value and position.

I have discovered over the years that as long as I continue to learn, grow and share what I have learned, there is no need to let folks get under my skin. I have time to continue to craft the best "me" possible and to share what I've learned along the way. I do not have time to get caught up in people's impressions of me.

Tell us one thing people might be surprised to know about you.

For those who don't know, what's most important to me is my family. I have been married for 11 years to my partner, George Chinsee, who is a wonderful photographer. The joy in our life right now is that after so many years of being together, we have just had a child. Our daughter, Carrie Emmanuelle, is now 8 months old. She is the "keep it real" factor in our world. It is both a blessing and a privilege to be able to shepherd her through this world. What we are discovering is that, through her own curiosity and enthusiasm, she is paving a dynamic path toward a new understanding of creativity and freedom. And we are happy to be along for the ride!


AAPRC's Mission
The African-American Public Relations Collective (AAPRC) is an assemblage of professionals who provide communication conduits among clients, journalists, media and our communities. We come together as a collective because we recognize the importance of building those same conduits amongst ourselves.

A great deal of what we do is professional development––updating our skills, keeping pace with technology, refining and streamlining processes, providing a forum to tackle the issues that impact our work environment––but we believe our professional lives benefit most from the forging of effective alliances. Connected to one another, we possess the power of a nationwide body of committed, knowledgeable practitioners with an eye on the future.

As we move into the 21st century at lightning speed, mass media and its potent messages occupy an ever-larger part of our daily lives and our collective psyche. The AAPRC is focused on helping our members gain a deeper understanding of media's force and supporting their growth as powerful participants in the global communications network.

AAPRC's Contact
GQ Media & Public Relations
1650 Broadway Suite 1011
New York NY 10019
1212 765 7910
1212 765 7905
aapublicistcoll@aol.com

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