wow mccallsgirl, goodiegoddess and just everyone who has had to endure that type of abuse! i've been blessed to never have had to endure any type of physical/sexual abuse/molestation...like everyone, i commend ya'll for overcoming it and even just realizing how it affected you...i know so many ppl who have yet to even admit that they even endured things similar to that....
Full Version: Random Thoughts
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| QUOTE (GoodieGoddess @ Mar 22 2006, 04:28 PM) | ||||||
They say 1 in every 4 girls will be sexually abused. I hate those numbers. I hate that you guys also have theses messed up stories, but I am so glad that I am able to talk about this at all with pple who understand. |
which is my main fear in having a daughter...but didnt share all the underlying reasons b4...co-sign 2 what 770 said..we argue and bitch so much at each other, yet have so many unfortunate things in common...i do hope that everyone who was or is being abused knows that it isnt your fault! ur a victim, but it doesnt have 2 be that way 4ever...talking about it is the first step 2 healing...
i think it's way more than 1 in 4. i had a near rape incident shortly after i moved to new york and i lost my virginity when i was 12 nonconsensually. when i started talking to people about it, the number of women who started telling me their stories was lke damn near EVERYONE. out of all my girls in DC, NY, and ATL like two didn't have a story about being raped, almost raped, or molested.
the abuse of women and girls is a pandemic
the abuse of women and girls is a pandemic
to read this just makes me want to cry at my desk
y'all ladies are real testiments of what positive beautiful creatures that can be created from such horrible beginnings.
i can't even fathom what I would do to someone if they did that to my godchild - let alone my child.
all of y'all are straight up lotus flowers - This is a symbol of the sun, of creation and rebirth.Growing from the mud at the bottom of ponds and streams, at night the flower closes and sinks underwater, at dawn it rises and opens again.
y'all ladies are real testiments of what positive beautiful creatures that can be created from such horrible beginnings.
i can't even fathom what I would do to someone if they did that to my godchild - let alone my child.
all of y'all are straight up lotus flowers - This is a symbol of the sun, of creation and rebirth.Growing from the mud at the bottom of ponds and streams, at night the flower closes and sinks underwater, at dawn it rises and opens again.
| QUOTE (mccallsgirl @ Mar 22 2006, 04:19 PM) | ||||
my history is something like this... I'm leaving out the real bad stuff. age 5 through 9 step dad and mom verbally abused and beat the shit out of me all the damn time... onetime my step dad hit me in the face with a rope and pulled my lip half way off... my nose is still fucked up... cut never healed right... doctors still trying to correct that shit... cause of course they never took me to the doctor when it happened.... and oh... I feel ya on the virgin thing age 5 female cousin age 7 female babysitter age 7 step dad's nephew age 10 -12 moved in with dad... step brother thought I was cute and him and his 4 cousins decided to play this game called rape everytime dad left. age 12 gang raped 3 dudes age 12 mom's boyfriend kept fucking with me in my sleep... thank the lord I'm a light sleeper... he was too embarrassed to continue while I was awake... always made some excuse about why he was in my room and left. age 14 gang raped at gun point... age 15 raped by dude at school age 15 got fed the fuck up... finally told mom... bitch called me a liar and wouldn't do shit about it.... went to court and fired they asses. all this happened mostly cause no one was paying attention and because they kept leaving me with people while they were in pursuit of their happiness. |
that's fucked up.
i want to ask you some things but i gotta go. basically this happened to one of my sisters (by my dad) and she'e been pretty fucked up ever since. she's been through a whole lot of me..to this day she thinks its okay when a dude suggest a 3-some with her and his buddies.
for whatever reason i was never beaten or sexually abused out of the 5 of us (all girls)
basically, you seem pretty sane and my sister isn't really normal. (i don't talk to her)
is it therapy that helped?
| QUOTE (Sweet G @ Mar 22 2006, 01:34 PM) |
| that's fucked up. i want to ask you some things but i gotta go. basically this happened to one of my sisters (by my dad) and she'e been pretty fucked up ever since. she's been through a whole lot of me..to this day she thinks its okay when a dude suggest a 3-some with her and his buddies. for whatever reason i was never beaten or sexually abused out of the 5 of us (all girls) basically, you seem pretty sane and my sister isn't really normal. (i don't talk to her) is it therapy that helped? |
I'm strong when I have to be... but therapy doesn't help... talking seems to help... but when the hour is up and you take that long elevator ride to your car.... you are alone with your thoughts... and that's when the true battle begins...
I gotta get off in a few minutes... pm me later... I'll get back to you in the morning
| QUOTE (BKLYNScribe @ Mar 22 2006, 04:33 PM) |
| i think it's way more than 1 in 4. i had a near rape incident shortly after i moved to new york and i lost my virginity when i was 12 nonconsensually. when i started talking to people about it, the number of women who started telling me their stories was lke damn near EVERYONE. out of all my girls in DC, NY, and ATL like two didn't have a story about being raped, almost raped, or molested. the abuse of women and girls is a pandemic |
Yall remember the Emanuel Lewis...run then go and tell campaign...That shit never helped me. It just made me really uncomfortable when I was in a room and the commercial came on. Adults never wanted to hear that shit in my house.
Funny though I was crying and praying once and just dealing with all the hate I had bubbling inside of me. And I swear I heard a voice tell me "Don't worry about those who have done you wrong, I will take care of them"
baby sitter -Dead ---gunshot
cousin ---dying --- full blown aids
brother --- his wife was pregnant and the babies were still born.
I put all of those who have done me wrong in God's hands
| QUOTE (BKLYNScribe @ Mar 22 2006, 04:33 PM) |
| i think it's way more than 1 in 4. i had a near rape incident shortly after i moved to new york and i lost my virginity when i was 12 nonconsensually. when i started talking to people about it, the number of women who started telling me their stories was lke damn near EVERYONE. out of all my girls in DC, NY, and ATL like two didn't have a story about being raped, almost raped, or molested. the abuse of women and girls is a pandemic |
It is definitely more than 1 in 4 because it's completely UNDER REPORTED...
One of my college professors Tricia Rose wrote this book called Longing to Tell : Black Women Talk About Sexuality and Intimacy ... I would encourage you guys to read it.
| QUOTE (770 @ Mar 22 2006, 01:27 PM) |
| This is very very sad. I hope you both know that none of those things were your fault -- somebody failed to protect you -- not even somebody -- Your Parents failed to protect you. You should be applauded for your bravery in sharing and hopefully your stories will help each other and help other people who have gone through similar experiences. Imma seriously pray hard on this tonight -- just in general for everyone to get some healing out of this. I'm working on something right now so I have just been skimming the boards today but I have to say that it's nice that despite all our differences at least now and then we can all come together and lean on one another. |
I don't feel brave... it's just with time... I realized it wasn't just me... so I am not ashamed to tell it like I was when it happened.
thanks for the love
the stories i hear on a daily basis...so heartbreaking...but i know im right where im supposed 2 be...helping other children know that its not their fault..helping them heal...
i lost my virginity to my own father at the age of 9...i dont think i will fully ever heal from that...i became promiscuous, looking 4 love by sleeping around...putting myself in situations 2 be raped and taken advantage of...tried 2 kill myself at 14, by taking 14 pills...but there was a reason i didnt die..it took me along time 2 realize this...and now i see my purpose in life...
i lost my virginity to my own father at the age of 9...i dont think i will fully ever heal from that...i became promiscuous, looking 4 love by sleeping around...putting myself in situations 2 be raped and taken advantage of...tried 2 kill myself at 14, by taking 14 pills...but there was a reason i didnt die..it took me along time 2 realize this...and now i see my purpose in life...
It's crazy how the selfish acts of people can affect someone years & years later. I would say all of us are strong considering because we can talk about it in an open forum & actually talking about it can strengthen others as well as ourselves.
| QUOTE (mccallsgirl @ Mar 22 2006, 04:34 PM) | ||
not directed at you but... fuck therapy  shit just depresses me more... then they give me pills that make me fat... I'm kinda done with that shit. no amount of therapy, drugs or knowing it wasn't my fault comforts me at night when I'm alone. I don't dwell on the shit... but let me watch some crime story or some sad tv movie... I fuckin break down like damn, damn, damn! It's hard to shake when there are so many reminders... that's kinda why I never went back to seattle when I fell out with my dad.... I just couldn't travel down certain streets or pass my school and not remember. |
maybe consider a psychologist instead of a psychiatrist..we arent quick 2 dope u up with meds
...it hurts 2 heal girl...and in order 2 heal u have 2 face ur past and ur pain...sorry...i know its hard...mccalls do u disassociate?
nice typing ya'll thanks for all the love and well wishes.... type ya'll later
| QUOTE (dimendaruff @ Mar 22 2006, 04:39 PM) |
| the stories i hear on a daily basis...so heartbreaking...but i know im right where im supposed 2 be...helping other children know that its not their fault..helping them heal... i lost my virginity to my own father at the age of 9...i dont think i will fully ever heal from that...i became promiscuous, looking 4 love by sleeping around...putting myself in situations 2 be raped and taken advantage of...tried 2 kill myself at 14, by taking 14 pills...but there was a reason i didnt die..it took me along time 2 realize this...and now i see my purpose in life... |
If it were just me in that situation, I would already be dead.
But I couldn't leave my sister, and I was glad that my son's dad wouldn't let me live like that anymore. He could have been like "damn you got baggage" but he was a rider. They say that pple enter your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. My son's dad fir all of those.
| QUOTE (mccallsgirl @ Mar 22 2006, 04:42 PM) |
| nice typing ya'll thanks for all the love and well wishes.... type ya'll later |
please hit me on the pm when u can...
What in the hell is gowin' on?
i need 2 roll a godfather 2nite... ...
so glad its a nite of back to back tv shows...
...so glad its a nite of back to back tv shows...
| QUOTE (dimendaruff @ Mar 22 2006, 04:52 PM) |
| i need 2 roll a godfather 2nite... ... so glad its a nite of back to back tv shows... |
Veronica Mars and grape ginger ale here i come
| QUOTE (dimendaruff @ Mar 22 2006, 04:52 PM) |
| i need 2 roll a godfather 2nite... ... so glad its a nite of back to back tv shows... |
damnit...i'm dry tonight
guess i'll be hitting the liquor store....
All you ladies are very brave to tell your stories and strong as hell to be where you are now. Unfortunately I dont feel as comfortable sharing too many details as I am a moving target on this site but Ive been thru it all from being locked in a refridgerator for a whole day, beat with bats, stabed, burned with cigars, Irons, forced to finish off a failed suicide attempt only to wake up in pools of my own throw up and blood. By the time I was 5 i had already been told that I was supposed to have been an abortion so I thought she would love me if I made that happen for her.
But Im here and I have learned to somewhat forgive my mother. Only to make myself better. To gain a closer bond with God because before I did my mind stayed on fury. I actually planned out my mothers death by the age of 7 and was 2 sencond and 1 foot away from following through but the fear of me getting killed first made me snap out of it. I needed those thoughts to go away so I prayed and prayed and now I am able to be cordial. I still can not tell her I love her and still cant manage to be fully happy for her when something goes good for her.
I realize now that she was abused in everyway also and may have snaped and never came back. She didnt need to have children with her. She's seems better now but who knows.
Now my anger has changed and I find myself mad as hell that my father left us there. He knew what was going on and he still left. Now My little sister lives a very lavish life with my dad and her mom and sometimes it hurts that he has it in him to do right by her by didnt love me enough to do right by me.
But Im here and I have learned to somewhat forgive my mother. Only to make myself better. To gain a closer bond with God because before I did my mind stayed on fury. I actually planned out my mothers death by the age of 7 and was 2 sencond and 1 foot away from following through but the fear of me getting killed first made me snap out of it. I needed those thoughts to go away so I prayed and prayed and now I am able to be cordial. I still can not tell her I love her and still cant manage to be fully happy for her when something goes good for her.
I realize now that she was abused in everyway also and may have snaped and never came back. She didnt need to have children with her. She's seems better now but who knows.
Now my anger has changed and I find myself mad as hell that my father left us there. He knew what was going on and he still left. Now My little sister lives a very lavish life with my dad and her mom and sometimes it hurts that he has it in him to do right by her by didnt love me enough to do right by me.
Thank you ladies for sharing your testimonies...I just wanna let you ladies know that You are TRUE blessings to this world. Strong, secure, beautiful!! You ladies went through what you went through for a reason but God makes no mistakes... I pray that the lord contiues to pour out all the blessings he has for you...Stay stong and keep your eyes on the prize 
| QUOTE (Quel @ Mar 22 2006, 04:56 PM) |
| All you ladies are very brave to tell your stories and strong as hell to be where you are now. Unfortunately I dont feel as comfortable sharing too many details as I am a moving target on this site but Ive been thru it all from being locked in a refridgerator for a whole day, beat with bats, stabed, burned with cigars, Irons, forced to finish off a failed suicide attempt only to wake up in pools of my own throw up and blood. By the time I was 5 i had already been told that I was supposed to have been an abortion so I thought she would love me if I made that happen for her. But Im here and I have learned to somewhat forgive my mother. Only to make myself better. To gain a closer bond with God because before I did my mind stayed on fury. I actually planned out my mothers death by the age of 7 and was 2 sencond and 1 foot away from following through but the fear of me getting killed first made me snap out of it. I needed those thoughts to go away so I prayed and prayed and now I am able to be cordial. I still can not tell her I love her and still cant manage to be fully happy for her when something goes good for her. I realize now that she was abused in everyway also and may have snaped and never came back. She didnt need to have children with her. She's seems better now but who knows. Now my anger has changed and I find myself mad as hell that my father left us there. He knew what was going on and he still left. Now My little sister lives a very lavish life with my dad and her mom and sometimes it hurts that he has it in him to do right by her by didnt love me enough to do right by me. |
*cyber hugs*...opposite but same...my father never ever hurt my sister...its hard because as a child u automatically feel its ur fault when u see ur parent is capable of loving, just not loving u...and then 2 have a parent walk out on u, knowing about the abuse...smh...i still have abandonment issues...
I was abused once by a distant relative as well, and I'm finally getting a grip on my emotions dealing with that. My mother and aunt finally began talking about how we were all abused and that has been the most helpful to me.
It is pandemic.
I thank god for my mother and grandmother for protecting me from further abuse.
I think we must continue to talk about it so that the younger generation will protect themselves or speak about being victimized.
I thank you all for sharing your life.
It is pandemic.
I thank god for my mother and grandmother for protecting me from further abuse.
I think we must continue to talk about it so that the younger generation will protect themselves or speak about being victimized.
I thank you all for sharing your life.
| QUOTE (SashaThumper @ Mar 22 2006, 04:55 PM) | ||
damnit...i'm dry tonight guess i'll be hitting the liquor store.... |
Don't do it!
| QUOTE (Jerazyck @ Mar 22 2006, 05:08 PM) | ||||
Don't do it! |
| QUOTE (SashaThumper @ Mar 22 2006, 04:55 PM) | ||
damnit...i'm dry tonight guess i'll be hitting the liquor store.... |
how are you ever dry in NYC....
and if u say u live in BK ....double
| QUOTE (acevac @ Mar 22 2006, 05:34 PM) | ||||
how are you ever dry in NYC.... and if u say u live in BK ....double |
nah, it's not like that....i finished my last bit last night and can't link up w/ the connect tonight....headed out of town friday so i'll probably end up waiting til i get back...
| QUOTE (SashaThumper @ Mar 22 2006, 05:38 PM) | ||||||
nah, it's not like that....i finished my last bit last night and can't link up w/ the connect tonight....headed out of town friday so i'll probably end up waiting til i get back... |
Where ya headed, shawt!?
just getting back from a meeting and read the last couple of pages here. It saddens me deeply to know that a lot of the sisters here went though a lot of abuse. But for you guys to be here alive telling us is a testament to your courage and survival. thank you so much for sharing with us.
god bless
god bless
| QUOTE (Jerazyck @ Mar 22 2006, 05:52 PM) | ||||||||
Where ya headed, shawt!? |
if a certain somebody would return ppl's phonecalls, then maybe they'd know
| QUOTE (SashaThumper @ Mar 22 2006, 06:01 PM) | ||||||||||
if a certain somebody would return ppl's phonecalls, then maybe they'd know |
Who put the bee in your bonnet? I don't have any missed calls from you. You must've called:
| QUOTE (SeeLaH @ Mar 22 2006, 02:04 PM) |
| there is a bit of God inside of me and that loves me, regardless of my faults |
Knowing this helped me to finally start trying to let go of my past hurts. I can't say i'm completely healed, but i'm working on it.
Thanks for the encouragement!
| QUOTE (Jerazyck @ Mar 22 2006, 06:14 PM) | ||||||||||||
Who put the bee in your bonnet? I don't have any missed calls from you. You must've called: |
i called you twice monday night on the cellie...it's all good sir....you know mr. sage sticks been out the picture...
I REALLY...REALLY..REALLY..JUST WANT TO HUG ALL OF YA'LL!!!!..Man I am Sooooooooo Sorry alot of you women went through this type of stuff..I mean I am deeply saddened by these stories!...I'm amazed at the volume and the number of you all (and the alarming number 1-4 women) that went through situations like rape, molestation, and abuse..I just wish there was something I could do to help..All I can say to you all is stay strong and like deka said GOD BLESS
| QUOTE (Alfredo_fedicini @ Mar 22 2006, 07:14 PM) |
| I REALLY...REALLY..REALLY..JUST WANT TO HUG ALL OF YA'LL!!!!..Man I am Sooooooooo Sorry alot of you women went through this type of stuff..I mean I am deeply saddened by these stories!...I'm amazed at the volume and the number of you all (and the alarming number 1-4 women) that went through situations like rape, molestation, and abuse..I just wish there was something I could do to help..All I can say to you all is stay strong and like deka said GOD BLESS |
Thanks Bruh
| QUOTE (GoodieGoddess @ Mar 22 2006, 03:56 PM) |
| All of you ladies who have had to overcome bad parenting, I am so proud of you, and happy for you because the ability to talk about it means healing is almost at 100% (if it can get to 100%) |
UR RITE...AND I AM NO WAY NEAR READY 2 TALK ABOUT MY ISSUES
ALL OF U LADIES STORIES HAVE TRULY TOUCHED ME AND I HOPE EVERY1 KNOWS GOD IS GOOD AND HE CAN GET U THRU SOOOO MUCH
I wont lie... Im shocked as hell that there are so many of us on the board. Here I am thinking Im the only one that been thru hell and back. Its not good to know that others have suffered from that pain but it is good to know that the many that have gone thru it have made something of themselves. Stay Strong, one day at a time.
reading all of these entries humbled me more.
ya'll be strong and (good or bad...everything has purpose in life and happens for a reason)
it takes courage to speak about your past and abuse.
ya'll be strong and (good or bad...everything has purpose in life and happens for a reason)
it takes courage to speak about your past and abuse.
Heartbreaking. Yet there is such triumph in your stories of survival.
I am always in awe of the human spirit... its ability to commit the worst inhumane behavior, and, (in regards to the women and men who have survived abuse), its ability to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles.
You may never understand why these people have abused you like they did. It may never make sense. But knowing it is not your fault is crucial, and so is time and working through the pain.
All I can say is you are all blessings, each and every one of you. May God Bless and keep each one of you.
I feel that each of you has shared a peice of your spirit with us through your posts, and I thank you sincerely for your generosity.
I am always in awe of the human spirit... its ability to commit the worst inhumane behavior, and, (in regards to the women and men who have survived abuse), its ability to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles.
You may never understand why these people have abused you like they did. It may never make sense. But knowing it is not your fault is crucial, and so is time and working through the pain.
All I can say is you are all blessings, each and every one of you. May God Bless and keep each one of you.
I feel that each of you has shared a peice of your spirit with us through your posts, and I thank you sincerely for your generosity.
Your strength as women is remarkable. The testimony of your individual journeys only seasons the beauty that you all are each day. Its amazing how delicate flowers have been able to survive and flourish through somewhat harsh conditions. You perseverance is inline with your divinity. Keep striving for positivity.
Yall should really get together and do your own book, or journal.
Wow Ladies, I'm going to repeat it and just say God Bless and continue being strong.
thanks 2 the guys 4 showing us so much support and love...i really have come 2 love this board! who wouldve thought so many stories of survival and triumph wouldve been told on here...wow...
who wouldve thought so many stories of survival and triumph wouldve been told on here...wow...
Alright I finally got through yesterdays posts in this thread...and the tears just would not be held in. To know that some of my favorite female personalities on this board have gone through such ordeals is really heart-breaking to me. If I'm being honest the empath in me has suspected that some of you who shared went through some type of abuse simply based on previous posts, but I never could have imagined the hell that you guys have described.
I am glad that you shared your stories for a variety of different reasons. Know that there are most likely others on the board that have similar circumstances and that your stories might inspire them to seek whatever help they need. I hope that you guys are able to honestly help each other continue to heal...as I genuinely feel the healing process is a constant struggle.
I know it might be difficult to take pride in your individual circumstances. If you have not reached the point in which you can be prideful of your ability to overcome...ability to become loving parents...the ability to become caring individuals (as you have displayed in this thread)...then just know tha I am proud of you all individually enough for the both of us.
I am glad that you shared your stories for a variety of different reasons. Know that there are most likely others on the board that have similar circumstances and that your stories might inspire them to seek whatever help they need. I hope that you guys are able to honestly help each other continue to heal...as I genuinely feel the healing process is a constant struggle.
I know it might be difficult to take pride in your individual circumstances. If you have not reached the point in which you can be prideful of your ability to overcome...ability to become loving parents...the ability to become caring individuals (as you have displayed in this thread)...then just know tha I am proud of you all individually enough for the both of us.
ha haha.....got my tickets for the Ghostface and M1 concert.
"Quentin Richardson has been able to score at will off the court. Richardson - most recently connected to multi-platinum R&B singer Brandy - was cheered on by video vixen Esther Baxter the other night at the Garden. Baxter was on his arm as he left the locker room." NY Post...
darn
darn
I guess Q Dawg likes him some chocolate!!!!!
Yaaaaaay for the Dark skin sistahs Q.R is rep'n
Yaaaaaay for the Dark skin sistahs Q.R is rep'n
| QUOTE (dimendaruff @ Mar 23 2006, 09:14 AM) |
| thanks 2 the guys 4 showing us so much support and love...i really have come 2 love this board! who wouldve thought so many stories of survival and triumph wouldve been told on here...wow... |
Girl God is GOOD!!!
You see how God works in everything we do?? He took this message board/ thread and ministered to us, all in in all to reveal and to make us feel better... The Holy spirit is NO JOKE... Just open your eyes and listen and notice the lord work in your everyday life...
Random prayer....
Dear Lord, thank YOU for this day. I thank YOU for my being able to see and hear this morning. I'm blessed because YOU are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and YOU keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleaing to you.
I ask now for YOUR forgiveness.
Please keep me and my family safe from all hurt, harm and danger. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from YOU. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over the things I have no control over. And Its the best response when Im pushed beyond my limits...
I know that when I can't pray , YOU listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak...Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who dont know YOU intimately and I pray for those that dont believe.
But thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers, and each and every family memeber in their households. I pray for peace , love and joy in their homes and that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows their is no problem greater than God. Every battle is in YOUR hands for YOU to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees it...
Amen
Have a bleesed day crusaders.....
NO WHAMMY NO WHAMMY
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